Monday, May 30, 2016

Life is short enjoy it and don't criticize others

Life is short enjoy it with Laughter, Companionship and Love and let others do the same...

'She married an older guy, father of four children, he is quite wealthy I guess that was the reason Aunty Jee got attracted to Uncle Jee', one of my old friend informed me about Ayesha second marriage who happens to be one of our common friend.

Ayesha is an old friend, she also is a widow who has two teenaged sons. She had worked really hard, her boys are very confident, hard working, nice kids. One is leaving for college in England this fall other one is a year younger. I guess she took the right decision of marrying again, soon both of her kids will be in college and studying in another country. I guess she had been a terrific mother who raised her children single handily after her husband passed away.

Now when she has remarried that is good too, she will not be lonely and depressed, she will be with her husband. The same is true for her husband, he is a divorced father of four, who sees his children only for few days during the year as two of them are married and the other two live with their mother.

Even though Ayesha and her husband Ayub are both somewhat middle aged, they have been married earlier and both of them have children but I guess they made the right decision of marrying a second time instead of just being lonely, depressed or  be dependent on their children all the time.

Our religion and society has given each citizen to live life according their own choice. Yet according to our Desi standards it is still regarded as something 'unusual', ' to be talked about', along with abundant comments from people all over  ' why are they getting married at an old age?', ' burhapey mey Shaadi'.
Too many critical remarks,too much negativity, BUT Why ?

A  great companionship elevates one"s conscious and evolves a person then why to criticize?

Maybe it's time to think differently...

Saturday, May 7, 2016

I am my mother's son


My name is Ahsan Khan. I am a son, a father, a husband, a brother and a father-in-law and I try to respect all the nice, kind hearted women around me...

I was raised in a feudal landlord family in Pakistan. We had numerous cotton and rice farms. Men were the center of attention in our family and women were there just to take care of the house, to bore children, to listen to anger or criticism. My earliest memories are of my father screaming at my mother and sisters and spoiling me every bit. I was my father"s most prized possession, his only son who was born after two daughters. One of my uncle once told me that my father would have remarried if my mother would have given birth to another girl. 

We lived in a Big Haveli along with my Uncle’s family and my grandparents. Men made all the decisions in the house, all the men went to college to study but the girls were not allowed to study after 10 grade. My grandfather bought me and my cousin new cars on our 18th birthdays. 

“Go have fun,” he said.

My father and uncle"s daily routines included talking to the farmers and "munshi jee", driving big cars around town, yelling at their employees and their wives. Aba jee as I called him, bought expensive gifts for me.He spent a lot of money on me but had very little time for me due to his so-called "very busy" lifestyle.  At a very young age I found out about many of his extramarital affairs. I did not like that, got very angry but did not say anything because I did not want my mother to find about it. 

My mother was a quiet, gentle woman. Her mission in life was to raise three strong, hard working, noble children.I had seen tears in her eyes on a number of times but she never complained in front of us, her children. She loved me and my sisters alike. She taught me that strong men treat the women around them with respect may she be his mother,sister,teacher or servant. She picked us up from school, helped us with homework. She was present at each and every school activity me or my sisters participated.  Every night she told me the story of Prophet Muhammed how he treated others and especially women with respect. She taught me to respect all maids in the house and not to scream at them.

“You don't scream at an older lady who is working day and night for you,” she said.

I still remember Mama saying "One person can transform the lives of many others". 

My older sister was the first woman in our family who went to college. It took my mother many months to convince my father to let her go to college. She was so happy that day, I think I have never seen her that happy. Mama taught me compassion, honesty and integrity. She was my guiding light! and my teacher and my reformer. 

After my grandparents died my uncle and his family moved to Dubai. I got admission in MBA. I wanted to expand our family business to many other foreign markets. Both my parents accompanied me to my graduation. Aba jee was proud of his son and Mama was proud of the gentleman she has raised. 

When I started working in our sugar mills, my mother reminded me "respect others, they will respect you too!"

After a year I got married my mother said the same thing “respect your wife, she will respect you!" 

Few days after our marriage my father asked my wife to make tea for him. When she brought tea for him he screamed " you call this tea, it's horrible, throw it away". She got nervous and I could see her hands trembling. I went to my father said " Aba Jee, Ayesha will make another cup of tea for you but you have to promise me that you will never talk to her in this tone". 

Aba jee looked at me “I am your father,” he said.
“Yes and I am your son who wants his father to respect his wife,” I said in an affirmative tone. 

Both my parents looked at me, my father angry and confused. My mother with sheer pride. She had raised a son who respect women. Her hard work has paid off and she was able to raise that one person who was very different...

Mama passed away few years after that incident. Both my sisters are happily married. I am a father myself of two children a son and a daughter. I love them both equally, I respect and love my wife dearly and I also respect the many employees who work for me. Aba jee lives with us, he is suffering from Alzheimer's, he often forgets my name and that I am his son but he asks about Mama very often, maybe he wants to apologize...

But she cannot come back...

Today on Mother’s Day I am so grateful to my mother for raising not just a son but a man who knows how to respect everyone around him...

Love you Mama...

Friday, May 6, 2016

Life is not just to be helpful but life is to be useful


Life can be cruel, life can be strange. Life is also precious and life is unpredictable,  you never know what is coming next. Just be grateful and stay positive. 

There is nothing more noble in this world  than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for someone else, maybe a complete stranger.
This World is full of wonderful people. I am glad I found some of them...

I belong to a middle class family. I was the only son, my parents wanted me to become an engineer. My father was a government employee, we lived in a small house in the outskirts of the city. He was an honest man, we lead a decent life. Our parents always emphasized on the importance of good education. 

Our lives shattered all of a sudden on a warm summer afternoon when my father died in a traffic accident. I was 15 years old at that time. The little savings what we had were gone in few months, my mother started working in a local factory and my uncle started helping us financially what little he could do. 

I started teaching neighborhood children while studying for my intermediate examinations. I thought I will collect enough money so as to pay for first two years of college and later I will try to apply for scholarship. I did not want to burden my mother or uncle anymore. 

I got very happy when I checked my result online. I got very good grades. "Ami now I can get admission in NED University of Engineering, the largest engineering university in the entire city of Karachi, now you can also tell people that your son will be engineer very soon", my mother hugged me and started to cry. My sisters bought mithai and we all celebrated that evening but our happiness was short lived. Next morning my mother fell down from the rickshaw and injured her hip bone.

"We need to operate on her immediately, she is in pain,” the doctor told me. 

"Ok you can do the surgery, I will deposit the money,” I went home and brought the money I saved for my education. My mother"s health was definitely far more important than my education. 

Ami came home after 10 days, she was much better. Her factory gave her 8 weeks paid medical leave. 
"Beta how will you pay for college fees?" she was worried. 

"Don't worry Ami I will take admission in Bsc and will continue with tutoring kids and will collect money in the next two years,” I replied.

"My dear you will be work hard day and night again for two years,” she started to cry. 

"Don't worry Ami,” I tried to console her. 

“Inshallah God will reward you,” she prayed. 

Indeed God listened to my mother’s prayer and rewarded me. The next day one of my friends told me about NED scholars, a scholarship started by few NED University Alumni to help students who need financial help. I sent all the details to them, they invented me for interview. I got the good news the next week when the NED scholars sent me an email explaining that my entire tuition will be paid by them and I can start my education at the university next month with the new class. 

Time passed and by the Grace of God, prayers of my mother and help from NED Scholars, I graduated from NED University as an Electrical Engineer. 

I work in a local multinational company now, just got a new car, my younger sisters are studying and older one got married last year. 

This scholarship not only helped me but my entire family...
The purpose of life is not just to be happy but to be useful...

Monday, May 2, 2016

God Listens... Just keep faith

just keep faith

Linda is my friend"s sister she is a successful lawyer settled in Tennessee. She got married to Tim when both of them were 28 years old. They both are successful lawyers.Their story is that of perseverance and of their strong belief in their faith.

They both adored children. Both were healthy individuals but even after many years of getting married they did not have any kids. After 5 years the couple started their long ordeal of fertility treatments. Approximately after 3 years and after two failed IVF treatments they were advised to go for adoption.

During that time Tim was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer. He was lucky that it was caught at an early stage. He had to go through 7 months of treatment after which he was declared cancer free. Linda was by him through the entire ordeal. After 2 years of Tim"s diagnosis the couple decided to adopt a baby. They signed up for adoption. After few months they received a call from New York that their "baby" will arrive in few weeks and they should fly to New York to meet the birth mother. Linda was so happy that she rushed to the store, bought many clothes,accessories for the baby,ordered new furniture for the Baby"s room. They both decorated the baby"s room in the shades of blue and brown as they were informed that they are going to be the adopted parents of a baby boy. They flew to NY the following week.

The baby was born on Monday morning in January, they were so happy when the held him for the first time. They named him Adam. But their happiness was short lived, after two days and before signing the final documents they got the devastating news that the birth mother has refused to give the baby for adoption.
Both Linda and Tim were heart broken, they quietly packed their stuff and left for the airport.

Tim went to the office the next day, he asked Linda to go to her mom"s or a friend"s house. "I don't want you to stay home all alone,I know you are very sad", he said.
"I am extremely sad but I have not given hope, I have complete faith in God", she replied.

After Tim left Linda opened the door of the nursery and looked around, she started to cry. Linda sat on the floor and cried for hours, she asked God why can't she not become a mother? Is she not a good person?

Life once again moved on both Linda and Tim started going to work. After four months Tim surprised Linda by arranging a one week vacation to China. She had studied Mandarin in school and always wanted to see the Great Wall of China. It was the perfect Birthday present for her.

"I have a bad headache maybe I am jet legged", she said after arriving at the hotel. Her headache and nausea got worse the next day. So instead of sight seeing Tim took her to a local hospital to get some medicine for nausea. The doctor gave her some pain medication but also advised some tests before taking the medication. The next day they received a call from the hospital. Tim did not understand mandarin so he gave the phone to Linda. "Congratulations you are pregnant, the test results came in this morning ", the nurse said.
"What ,How,Are you sure?", she was confused.
"Yeah we are sure", she had waited 12 years to hear this news.

Linda, the lady who has tried every medical treatment, endured so much heart ache, had went through a failed adoption process and whose husband had fought cancer bravely, got pregnant naturally on her 40th birthday.

When she told Tim, they both started to cry.

"After all God listens to everyone, he listened to our prayers"...
"Maybe we should have come to China many years back"...
It was a miracle,maybe more than a miracle!

They went back home after few days, they welcomed their son John Adams, a very healthy and active baby. He was born after 34 weeks after his parents returned from China, on a chilly January morning exactly a year later after his parents flew to NY for the failed adoption process.

God always listens, just keep faith...